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Posts Tagged ‘quitting smoking’

Addicted Ignorance…

September 13, 2010 18 comments

So, since quitting smoking, then starting, quitting, starting, quitting (yes, this has been an ongoing problem) I have been thinking a lot about addiction and issues of the like. Here are the results of my heavy concentration and occassional one-track mindedness.

 

anger pulsing,
in my head a beat box
cacophony raging unchecked
behind narrowed vision,
half blind as desire
takes over,
well-being tossed out
to proverbial curb, forgotten
left for death in festering gutters
next to homeless drunks passed out upon
soaked sheets of week old New York Times
ever appearing dead as sun creeps ever higher,
passed out next to my better judgment
now slathered in yellow puke
and green sewer slime
while I am off feeding addiction
needed to temper my bubbling rage,
the lava building slowly subsides,
failing to explode… today…
but what of tomorrow?
or the next?

                                                  (c) 2010 by D. Wright

 

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Conflictions…

July 24, 2010 1 comment

So, if you haven’t read my other blog yet, here’s my story…. I’m trying to change myself into a “better” individual. That is, I’m trying to quit smoking and drinking as well as lose weight and become a more active individual. Yet here I am reflecting about last night and all the beers I decided to enjoy. What is it about that lifestyle that is so enticing? What about it makes it so hard to get rid of?

Well, I don’t know why it is so hard to change, but… my wife had an epiphany today… she told me that this life of smoking and drinking is easy because that is the way we met when we were young. So basically, it is familiar territory, common ground, and although we may fight and get angry with each other as we proceed through our personal struggles, we must continue to build upon each others strengths and slowly but surely push away the weaknesses.

So I continue my struggle to become the person I see myself being and let the sun shine upon a new day (only in the picture though because it looks like another rainy day today… Oh well!).

Ok everybody, enjoy your day and let me know what your personal goals are or what your struggling to overcome! And don’t forget to check out my other blog: Food, Cycling & Sweat.

A New Day…

July 19, 2010 Leave a comment

Ok, so as I mentioned in Post Numero Uno, my weekend went down hill and burned up pretty badly… But today was a new day and one with much to do! To start off, breakfast!

Cottage cheese pancakes (w/ added flax-seed to make it even better) and topped with leftover berry cobbler from the previous night. Personally, I don’t think the picture does this meal any justice, but I’m not a chef by any means… It was still delicious, add some coffee and a large glass of water and it was perfect. I have to keep reminding myself to drink water and LOTS of it!!

Since it was a late wakeup and a later breakfast, lunch was pretty minimal. Dinner (I will spare you all the pictures of that disaster) consisted of baked salmon with a mixture of veggies. Quite good aside from its visual appearance…

Ok, food done, we had many errands to run and did not get out on our morning walk with the dogs as planned but we did however get out to the gym before dinner. The wife did Turbo Kick while I ran some laps on the track. 2.5 miles in 28 minutes with very little walking (I know, it’s not that far, but we all start somewhere).

So I know it’s a short post today but I am tired and work calls tomorrow. I did get some neat photos of a large plane doing some amazing aerial maneuvers while I was jogging that I will try to post tomorrow night. Also, I went all day with no cigarettes and hardly a craving! Hooray!! Small victories that I need to carry through to the bitter end… OK! Goodnight!

Post Numero Uno

July 18, 2010 1 comment

It’s raining…

I like the rain, sometimes. It makes everything clean, fresh. Sadly, it hasn’t helped improve my mood nor has it washed away the pressing issues currently laying seige to my already shattered mind. I feel as though I have reached an impasse, a plateau of which I can either jump from and risk a torturous landing or I can attempt climbing down to safety. Personally, I have always been the type to jump, to take on the world at once, all or nothing…

But can I successfully change myself all at once?

The back story… I am 26 and currently passionless. Where my passion has gone, I cannot say for I do not know. I once loved many things: writing, reading, mountain biking, music… the list goes on. Over the past 5 to 6 years complacency has replaced passion, laziness over desire. And this tears me apart inside. I stare at my goals posted neatly on my fridge and the white board in the kitchen where I write my successes and it seems littered with nothing more than failures…

4 days of not smoking, now I am again. 5 days of Clean Eating and the invasion of dirty foods comes back. Not a single page of writing aside from this blog post. No weight lost (I am currently 220 lbs and very unhappy about it). I had miles of running and biking under my belt and come Friday past, my weekend went downhill. Needless to say, I have work to do, but I present this one question…

How does one with little to no support group succeed? With no mutual friends interested in tackling the same obstacles, it seems a mountain insurmountable.

And as stupid as this may sound, how does one even meet and make new friends? In five years, it seems I have collapsed into myself, living for nothing but my marriage and not at all for my own well being. I am rusty, if you will… a social caterpillar waiting for my wings.

But perhaps the battle simply can’t be all in my favor. Failure can breed stronger passion. I think about this now, and it strengthens my resolve. Writing has always calmed me in a way that nothing else can and that, I realize, IS my passion!