Home > Free Form Poetry, Poetry > Life’s Road – a work in progress…

Life’s Road – a work in progress…

So I am one of those bloggers/writers that like to get feed back. I mean REALLY like to get it. Good, bad, ugly, constructive… any which type of comments are great. So I occasionally post work that I don’t feel is in a completed form so I know what to tweak to make it better, to make it reach that level where I feel it could be a published piece of writing. This is one such piece… Enjoy!

******

white lines blur at the edge of my vision,
screaming out of control as I leave them behind,
always more ahead
                taunting, pleading
                                dragging me onward
down this merciless highway of hate and tears,

another cigarette out the window fed to the wind

moonlight chilling my soul like ice on a windshield
blinding my recklessness, fueling me forward
into wild unknown
                taking control
                                leaving no memory,
dust in the wind as blaring sirens attend their call.

(c) 2010 by D. Wright

******

posted for Poetry Potluck

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  1. September 20, 2010 at 5:35 am

    I am thrilled to have you in,

    excellent job!

  2. September 20, 2010 at 5:35 am

    moonlight chilling my soul like ice on a windshield
    blinding my recklessness, fueling me forward
    into wild unknown…

    love the flow, brilliant piece.

    • September 20, 2010 at 8:55 am

      thanks for stopping by jingle!

  3. September 20, 2010 at 9:06 am

    anger despair on display
    good work 😀 cheers!!!

  4. September 20, 2010 at 6:37 pm

    When frustration takes over, there are very things that can be comforting… moonlight is one of them I suppose…
    Me-time helps! But ciggies…hmm.. not so sure of that! 🙂
    But this life’s road is always under construction alright… LOVED that analogy!

    Thank you so much for linking this poem with poetry potluck… it is really very well penned!

  5. September 21, 2010 at 1:11 am

    I wish I could offer constructive criticism, but I cannot, I am not a poet. But I think you are very talented. Thank you for sharing your work!

  6. September 21, 2010 at 4:53 pm

    see you next time!

  7. penelopephoebe
    September 21, 2010 at 11:05 pm

    Love the line “another cigarette out the window fed to the wind” It conjures up such imagery. I enjoyed the read. Thanks.

  8. pbqueen
    September 24, 2010 at 9:22 am

    This is really fabulous. I am at an utter loss for any sort of critique. It’s beautiful.

  9. September 25, 2010 at 11:31 am

    I like this piece; to me it’s well written, and has a linear flow. It stands as it is just fine, but I can see where it could a part of a larger work. Well done 🙂

  10. September 25, 2010 at 11:32 am

    …could be a part…
    sorry 😦

  11. September 26, 2010 at 7:48 pm

    I agree with what Tracy said above…it really reads well as is but also could be part of something bigger. Thanks for always visiting my world and I apologize for my absence due to a big project I’m working on…will be back to normal in no time 🙂 Hugs xx

    • September 26, 2010 at 8:01 pm

      No problem! I’ve been absent myself due to individual work I’ve been pursuing. Have fun and come by anytime!

  12. October 8, 2010 at 5:34 pm

    This is a wonderful poem and I feel the edge in the words. The downfall of “constructive” criticism of another poet’s work, is that I’m then imposing my vision on your words. Some poems speak more to me than others, but the thing I love most is seeing another person’s perspective.

    My favorite lines in this poem were:

    down this merciless highway of hate and tears,
    another cigarette out the window fed to the wind
    moonlight chilling my soul like ice on a windshield

    I find your style very literal, and I like that. Your combination of words is poetic yet real at the same time.

    Best regards …

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